Healing the Wounds of Emotional Abuse

"There comes a critical time in each person's life when the truth is accessible. Faced with it, you can either run and hide, denying it, or you can face your truth, accept it, and grow stronger."

If you are reading this article, chances are you or someone you love is in an emotionally abusive relationship. Your abuser may be a spouse, a boss, a brother or a sister. You may have tried to ignore it, deny it and fix it. Perhaps you have even tried to accept it. But it hasn't worked. This is your moment of truth. Are you willing to do what it takes to break the cycle of abuse in your life? 

While the optimum situation is for both parties in an abusive situation to seek help, Dr. Tim Clinton, President of the American Association of Christian Counselors, insists one person can change the relationship.

"Change a person; change a relationship," he says. On the other hand, if the abuse is severe and occurring within the marriage relationship, it's time to take bold steps and assert biblical, healthy boundaries. 

"Sometimes separation can be a powerful attention-getting boundary if you're fully ready to use it," says Karla Downing, abuse survivor, counselor and author of 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages. "The purpose of the separation can be to physically or emotionally protect you and your children or to convince your husband (or wife) that you'll not continue to live the same way. Separation can also be by mutual agreement for each to work on your own problems separately with the goal of reconciling your marriage." 

What follows are some general principles, gleaned from professional Christian counselors, for breaking the cycle of abuse in your life and for beginning the recovery and healing process. They are easy to understand, but difficult to implement. 

Before applying these principles to your situation, it's best to seek help from a trained professional.

• Tell yourself the truth. Denial is a hallmark of abuse. Invite the Holy Spirit to reveal the reality about a potentially abusive relationship. Admit you are being abused and recognize the damage it has done. 
  
  
• Seek professional help and guidance. There is no one-size-fits-all prescription for healing. You need a trained professional to assess your situation and your safety, to help you deal with emotional baggage from the past and to help you develop a strategy for change. Healing is a lengthy and sometimes difficult journey fraught with emotional landmines. You'll need help and professional guidance to walk through potentially explosive and destructive situations. 
  
  
• Set appropriate boundaries. In the excellent book, Boundaries—When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, explain how and when to set appropriate, biblical boundaries. However appropriate, set boundaries with caution; it may escalate the abuse. Experts recommend seeking professional help to guide and encourage you.
  
  
• Find and maintain healthy relationships. It is critical to seek support from friends, family, and, ideally, your church.
  "Pastors, church leaders and church members vary in their ability to give support to women in difficult marriages," says Downing. "Always be willing to reach out to your church for support, but remember that staff may not have the same training as professional counselors." 
  
  Support groups led by a trained professional are wonderful sources of healing and comfort. Work to build healthy, biblical friendships and relationships. Research has shown that healthy social connections contribute to better overall health.
  
  
• Soak in God's presence and truth. God invites us into his presence and transforms us by renewing our mind (Romans 12:2). Spend time in God's Word, prayer, worship, and fellowship. It's possible that because you are damaged emotionally, you are unable to spend long periods of time in prayer or study. That's all right. Do what you can and trust God with the rest. 
  
  
• Forgive. Forgiveness is not denying or excusing the damage caused by abuse. We forgive because God forgave us. When we forgive, we allow God to heal us. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Forgive your abuser and yourself, if necessary. God will deal with everything else.
  

With professional help—and by following these principles, you can break the cycle of abuse in your life and begin your healing journey. As you reach out to God and others, you can experience God's redemptive purposes in your life and become a channel of healing in the lives of others. Make Jeremiah 29:11 your mantra: "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'."

Understanding Emotional Abuse

A common form of spousal abuse is psychological (emotional) abuse.  Its effects aren't physically noticeable, like a broken bone or a bruised cheek, but it does wound the victim deeply.  If you think that you may be in an abusive relationship, or if you know someone who may be, the following article can help explain how women end up getting caught in the cycle of abuse.

Psychological emotional abuse occurs when one’s feelings, thoughts, preferences, desires, needs, appearance or friendships are trivialized or made to appear inconsequential relative to the abuser’s. In other words, the abuser constructs the relationship and the world of the victim according to his terms and conditions over that of the abused and for his own gratification, which is often simply control over the abused.

To hold power over the abused, the abuser will resort to a number of tactics designed to hold her emotionally captive. To this end the abuser may lavish the abused with flattery and praise, complimenting her and making her feel remarkably indebted for the special, often overly generous attention. 

At the same time, the abuser may make the abused feel like she is the only person who understands him, or is special to him. Unfortunately, her significance to his well-being becomes a weapon to use against her later. If she tries to escape the relationship, he may then try to hold her emotionally hostage by positioning her as ungrateful for his special attention and hurtful to him when she is the only person in whom he can confide and gain support and understanding. Thus the grip of the abuser tightens and the abused feels guilty and/or ashamed for hurting or abandoning this fellow who has lavished her with such special attention.

Emotional abuse leaves few physical scars. Its victims suffer no broken bones, torn flesh or spilled blood. Still, those wounded might describe it as the most painful and destructive form of domestic violence.

While statistics are elusive, experts agree that emotional abuse—for mostly women, but some men as well—have reached epidemic proportions. And despite its everyday occurrence, few of us recognize it, identify it or even do anything about it.

By reading this article series, we hope it will help you learn to listen to your friends', neighbors', relatives'—or maybe even your own—waspish, hurtful words. And if you are a recipient of this type of domestic violence, first hold yourself in high esteem, re-evaluate your relationships and then ask for help.

Next in this Series: Healing the Wounds of Emotional Abuse

The Power of God-Given Imagination

If God has revealed His purpose for your life and you feel that it is more than you can achieve, consider the power and gift of your God-given imagination. Through it, God can make your purpose happen !

Through imagination things are created.

Albert Einstein said, "Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions." And in the 1950s, author Napolean Hill wrote, "The imagination is literally the workshop wherein are fashioned all plans created by man."

Truly, everything that has been created by mankind: skyscrapers, skis, cars, computers, buildings, boulevards, coffee cups, cotton balls and even things immaterial such as concepts and philosophies all began in the mind of someone before they became reality.

Indeed, God is the Creator and He has blessed us with minds to create, too, through the power of imagination.

Don't get me wrong; I don't believe that we can manipulate our lives through thought to the point that we can become our own god and make anything happen that we want. Thankfully, God is far too sovereign for that! Instead, imagination is a tool whereby we cooperate with Him to participate in His divine nature and fulfill our God-given purpose.

Imagination diminishes and eliminates the perception of obstacles.

When I was 21, I traveled overseas alone to London, England to participate in a studies abroad program through my university. The night before I boarded the plane, I knew that I would soon see the Tower of London, ride in "The Tube" and drink a lot of tea—but there was something very important that I didn't know.

I had planned to immediately move in with my host family, but a change of holiday plans for them meant a change of plans for me. So 12 hours before I was to board my flight, I didn't know where I would stay the first 14 days in the sprawling metropolis. Surprisingly, I wasn't worried. Instead, I prayed and asked God to give me a room when I arrived.

He answered.

To my joy and delight, a college acquaintance from London whom I hadn't heard from in almost a year just "happened" to call within the hour to chat. After I told him about my situation, he offered to contact his sister to have her pick me up at the airport and also make arrangements for me to temporarily stay with his family.

Surprisingly, through the uncertainty of my living arrangements, traveling overseas alone, and venturing into a vast unknown, I wasn't afraid. I've often wondered why. My best answer is that I was filled with an excitement that had been born out of imagination. You see, I had imagined for many months what it would be like living overseas. I checked out library books about England, watched videos about the culture, and spoke with friends who had been there. As a result, all of my "imagining" created excitement in me which eclipsed any fears I may have had.

In I Samuel 17, the height of Goliath is mentioned in cubits. Some people believe he was 9'9" and others think he was 6'6". Either way, because his height was mentioned shows that it was out of the ordinary and a big deal—except to David.

Because David was consumed with his God-given purpose to slay Goliath, he imagined what it would be like to take down the giant and, as a result, he was excited. He shouted and mocked his enemies and proclaimed God's name. Therefore, he was not intimidated by the apparent obstacle of Goliath's size.

When imagination and excitement are mixed together, you will either not notice obstacles or they will be largely diminished—and, therefore, your courage will increase! This is important to remember as you pursue your God-given purpose.

Imagination is fueled through input.

By now you might be wondering how you can fuel your imagination so that your excitement, inspiration and courage grow.

There are many ways, but the main thing to remember is that imagination is often fueled through input that comes through suggestions from outside sources.

As an example, several months ago I had been thinking about God's purpose for our lives. Then I spoke with a man at a coffee shop who asked me if I'd seen a video about a guy who watched some beautiful fish swim and then thought, "Wow! This is what they were created for!" I told him no and our conversation turned to another topic.

The brief image the man painted of fish gracefully swimming stuck with me, and over the next week, my mind chewed on it while I took a shower, drove and worked out. A week later, when I sat down to write, a story about purpose flowed out of me with the fish he described as the main anecdote.

What I experienced was a suggestion from another person, which fueled my imagination. So, if you are stumped on how to solve a problem relating to your purpose, remember that imagination is fueled through input (or suggestions) from outside sources. This can include people, books, movies or any way that thoughts from others are received.

Imagination increases your mind

Imagination increases after your mind has been exposed to a problem and it is at play.

I took a college graphic design class in which my professor presented many problems to us. He asked us to render a large object, small; to reproduce musical notes in artwork without using the notes, and to make a brown paper bag into a piece of art.

After professor Wada presented any problem, he required that we make a "What if?" list of possible solutions. Then, he insisted that we wait at least 24 hours before beginning the assignment. Why? Because he knew that after we focused on a problem, our minds would begin to work on it while they were relaxed or "at play." He was always right. I got my best ideas when I was relaxing in the shower, daydreaming on the walk to school or sauntering to my next class.

As you pursue your God-given purpose, there will be plenty of problems to solve. To effectively tackle them, you can use the same principles that I used in design class.

• First, pray and ask God to give you direction to do His will.
• Second, define the problem.
• Third, make a "What if?" list.
• Then, allow your thoughts to chew on the problem for a period of time.
• And don't forget to expose yourself to situations in which your mind is relaxed or "at play."

If you know when you are the most creative, such as taking a walk or reading a book, make arrangements for these situations to happen. And most importantly, have a pen and paper handy for quick note taking. Before you know it, God will have given you ideas on how to proceed through His gift of imagination.

There's no doubt that God gave us an amazing gift when He gave us this gift. I encourage you to ask Him to help you make the most of it to fulfill the purpose He has for your life!

Communicating About Your Purpose Effectively

A friend of mine recently led me into his garage to show me how he planned to rewire it. He said he wants to a run cord around the floor for the job. He spoke to me for several minutes and that’s all I grasped. Wiring. Cord. Floor. My eyes glazed over and my brain went to sleep after the word “wire.” Why? Because God did not wire my brain for wires. Not only that, but I haven’t taken a math course since I was 15; I break out in hives whenever I have to put a puzzle together, and science experiments put me into a coma. Got the picture? I am a total "blonde" when it comes to anything technical, scientific or mathematic. There’s no doubt, God didn’t create me to be Analytical.

Now, imagine if a man named Kevin asks to meet with me because God has shown him that it’s his purpose to build houses for impoverished peoples in Third World countries. He can’t wait to share his vision with me, and hopes to enlist me to help.

As we converse, he shares how each home will be constructed, new technology that will be implemented and how he plans to use recycled materials and that millions of dollars will also be saved through employing locals. Kevin, obviously Analytical, is thrilled, but when he finally stops to take a breath, he notices that I’m about as excited as a bar of soap.

He frowns because he knows his communication has been unsuccessful.

Thankfully, he remembers something he learned about communicating with different personality types; so he decides to take another approach. This time, he asks me a few questions before diving into his presentation. “Shana, what do you like to do in your spare time?”

“I like to paint, draw, write and journal.”

“Great. That’s interesting.”

“If you had a choice between conceptualizing a project verses implementing the details, which would it be?”

“Oh, definitely conceptualizing.”

“You sound like a big idea person.”

“Absolutely.”

“If you could say one thing about time, what would that one thing be?”

“It’s precious and you better make the most of it.”

“Would you say that you like deadlines, or do you prefer to work without them?”

“Are you kidding? I need deadlines or I wouldn’t get anything done. Ideally, I’d prefer to work without them, but it’s not realistic. Deadlines keep me efficient. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I’m just trying to figure out which Personality Quadrant you fit in so I can communicate my ideas to you more effectively.”

“OK, so which Quadrant do I fit in?”

“You’re definitely an Expressive-Driver combination but I was communicating to you as if God made you an Analytical. Do you mind if we start over?”

“No problem.”

This time, Kevin begins by telling me about the scope of the project, he explains that thousands of lives will changed, that families will bond to a community and that he also needs a visionary to strategically plan the “big idea.”

When he was finished, I had been transformed from a bar of soap to a chili pepper—on fire and hot for his ideas—all because he spoke to me about his purpose and vision based on my personality and how God made me.

Has God shown you your God-given purpose? Do you want to communicate your vision to others effectively for emotional, financial, spiritual or physical support? No doubt, understanding how God created different people’s personalities is critical to communicate your ideas effectively.

It takes more than knowledge about what you do to move others to action—it takes understanding personality types.

The Four Personality Quadrants

There are many personality tests, many of which I’ve taken and many which are valuable. I’ve taken one that defined my personality based on colors, another labeled me as an otter/golden retriever mix, a third told me that I was extroverted, somewhat disorganized, a dreamer and emotional.

All of these tests gave me insight into myself and helped me understand more about how God made me. But only one has helped me understand how to communicate my passions and purpose to others.

The four quadrants are part of a system that was popular in the 1970s and 1980s called the Social Styles Profiling Method. Many people prefer to use it rather than other personality tests because of its simplicity and the ability to apply it in conversation during even first visits.

Do you wonder where you fit? Here are some simple descriptions of the four types.

Drivers: Know what they want, where they are going and how to get there quickly.

Drivers tend to be focused on results. They want to do things efficiently and effectively and they are typically more organized than their Expressive friends.

Expressive: Appear communicative, warm, approachable and competitive. They involve other people with their feelings and thoughts.

Expressive are motivated by applause because they feel good when others show appreciation for what they have done. They are often motivated by a large vision and they like to get involved in the “big picture.” They typically don’t like details.

Amiable: Place a high priority on friendships, close relationships and cooperative behavior. They appear to get involved in feelings and relations between people.

Amiables are motivated by consensus, peace and a lack of conflict.

Analytical: Live life according to facts, principles, logic and consistency. These folks are often viewed as distant and detached but they seem to be cooperative in their actions as long as they can have some independence in organizing their own efforts and ideas.

Analytical focus on process and they are all about doing something right. Many Analytical love science, math, can create chemical concoctions and build things. These are the engineers and systems analysts of our world.

What does all this mean?

As I stated earlier, if you are speaking to an Analytical, but are talking to them like they are an Expressive, you will have problems because Analytical need numbers, facts and scientific information. They need evidence to back up what you are saying. If you are speaking with Expressive, you wouldn’t want to talk to them like they are a Driver—all methods, measurements and how-tos. Instead, they want the big picture.

Keep in mind as you are speaking to people about your passions and God-given purpose not to pigeonhole people. No one is all Analytical or a total Expressive. God has typically created everyone as some kind of combination.

Also keep in mind that the best way to discover how to communicate with someone is to do as Kevin did in our story. He asked questions that would help him determine which quadrant I might be in. Then, he shared information with me that would be of interest to me about his vision.

If you implement the Four-Quadrant model in your communication, you’ll find that your conversations are much more exciting. And, you’ll experience what Anne Morrow Lindbergh, author and wife of aviator Charles Lindbergh, said, "Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”

Your Purpose Matters for Eternity

A few months after my father died, I met him in a farmer's field scattered with carnival rides, craft tables and food booths where he told me a secret about heaven. While I was surprised to see him, I wasn't surprised to see him there, because it was when he was happiest—barbecuing a side of beef, wearing an apron, toting a carving knife and inviting small-town carnival goers to sample his secret sauce.

At first, I couldn't believe it was him. When I saw him from the back many yards away, I thought, That can't be Dad because he died! Then as he strode toward me, excitement engulfed me. Oh, my gosh! It's him! His smile beamed as the sun glistened on his wire-frame glasses. True to form, he wore socks that didn't match his shorts with legs that needed to see more of summer. When he reached me, he smiled broadly and said, "Well, hi Shana!" I was surprised that he acted as if he hadn't died and that no time had passed at all. He placed his foot on the curb next to me and bent down to tie his shoe. I gazed at him in awe. I intuitively knew I would only have a short time to say what was most important to me, so I spoke quickly.

Because I wanted him to thank him for his care, I said, "Dad, I want you to know that I took the money that you left, paid off all my bills and I invested the rest of it." He stood up, looked me straight in the eye and grinned, "Well Shana, I'm proud of you!" My heart melted. He said what I wanted to hear my entire life—he was proud. My chest ached with tears that wanted to come out but didn't.

Then he shared something I needed to know about eternity, "You know what I've learned?" he quipped. "I've learned that it really does matter in heaven what you do on the earth."

And then he was gone—quicker than he had come.

When I woke from my dream, my eyes filled with tears and I quickly found my journal to record the message for a future time. That time is now. You see, my father's message wasn't just for me—it's also for you because the Bible echoes my father's statement about heaven.

What the Bible says about your purpose and eternity

In his book, "Driven by Eternity," John Bevere writes how important it is to plan for our eternal future. Of those who plan for forever with God, John writes, ". . . they live with purpose and know their eternal destiny is being written by how they live on the earth. This will provide them a grand entrance into the Kingdom of God, rather than them slipping in with all they've done burned up and destroyed."

What? Burned up? Destroyed? What is John talking about? He is referring to 1 Corinthians 3:12-15 which reads: "If any man builds on this foundation [Jesus Christ] using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his will work will be shown for what it is, because the Day [when Jesus Christ returns] will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping the flames."

Building with gold, silver and costly stones means "building on Christ" by obeying Him and His calling (or purpose) for your life. Building with wood, hay or straw means following your own fleshly desires to live life your own way regardless of God's plan. Can you imagine working your entire life, doing good works and accomplishing things that you thought would matter to God, then finally meeting him face-to-face only to realize that you were only doing what sounded good to you and that you weren't "building on Christ" at all?

Granted, no one builds entirely on Christ because we often sin and we are generally selfish. For this reason, I'm glad that salvation does not depend on works (Eph. 2:8-9), instead, we are justified through the blood of Christ (1 Cor. 6:11). But as you can see, heavenly rewards do depend on works and those rewards we will be a direct result of how we lived on the earth, just as my father said. Perhaps these heavenly rewards are a reason why Paul exhorted the Philippians to work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12).

All of this doesn't mean that if you are a stay-at-home mom that you should feel guilty or that "I should be doing more for Christ." Neither does it mean that if you are not in the ministry that you should run out to become a missionary. Instead, remember that God's rewards will be granted based on obedience to fulfill whatever vocation or purpose He has called you to, whether you're a doctor, teacher, stay-at home mom or landscaper. Therefore, your life's purpose must begin and end with Him. So when He reveals what He wants you to do with your life, do it wholeheartedly! Then, when you come into His Kingdom, you will hear, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:21).

Remember, love is big in God's book

Maybe you're thinking, But I have no idea what my purpose is. God hasn't revealed it to me yet. Be encouraged! While you are waiting for Christ to reveal His entire plan for you, you can still build on the foundation He is by living out what He says is the greatest gift of all—love (1 Cor. 13:13).

I once read a story about a man who gave his sister a very small gift and God noticed it, too. The man, a high-dollar philanthropist, was also a mover and a shaker in higher education. Unexpectedly, he became ill and died for a few moments. At this time, Christ appeared to him in a dream to show him scenes from his life. While reviewing each scene, Christ revealed the value He placed on each of the man's actions. Surprisingly, Jesus didn't do cartwheels because the man had given away large sums of money. And He didn't say, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant," when He reviewed the man's academic achievements. Rather, it was a simple encounter the man had with his sister that pleased the Lord.

One day when the man noticed that his sister was heartbroken in an effort to comfort her, he embraced her tight for a long time. In Christ's book, this was the man's greatest accomplishment.

While you are seeking God to reveal your life's purpose, sometimes little acts of love can seem mundane and unimportant, like helping your husband balance the checkbook, choosing to have patience with one of your children or reaching out to a neighbor that you find less than desirable. But remember, God notices. So the next time you're beating yourself up because you're not sure of His purpose for your life, think of this man and his brotherly embrace. Then smile, because if you are building your life on Christ with love, what you do will matter for eternity.

Two Truths About Your God-Given Purpose

When I was 21, I lived in London as a college exchange student. During my stay in England, it exhilarated me to hop on the train, travel to a part of the city I hadn’t seen before and wander around without an agenda.

My roommate, on the other hand, was a planner. She needed to know why she was going somewhere, how to get there and what to do once she arrived. One evening, when we were supposed to attend a concert, my roomie was naturally in charge of getting us there, so she had a map.

Only something went wrong.

We got lost and for over 90 minutes we wandered the streets of London without a clue where we were headed. Sure, I wanted to see the concert, but after a while I thought, “That’s OK, if we can’t, we can do something else.”

My roommate, on the other hand, was exasperated. She kicked a cement post in the middle of the sidewalk several times while shouting expletives. I was certain she had broken her toes. We eventually found the concert and made our way home with her toes (thankfully) uninjured.

Understandably, my roommate felt that the trip from our apartment to the concert should have been a straight line, like the one an arrow makes to a bull’s-eye. Instead, it was like the trip a bee makes from one flower to another—in loop-de-loops and circles.

When God is revealing bits and pieces of your purpose through the seasons of your life, remember that even if He has told you how you will ultimately serve Him, it doesn’t mean that the fulfillment of your purpose will happen in a straight line. Instead, you might feel like you are going in loop-de-loops and circles, like you are wandering. This is OK. God won’t waste any of your experiences (Romans 8:28). And even if some of your “circles” seem unrelated to God’s calling, He will weave them in to His purpose for your life. Rest assured, He is still in control and will perfect that which concerns you (Psalm 138:8).

Joseph must have known what it felt like to wander in circles. In Genesis, God showed him through dreams that his brothers would bow down and worship him (Gen. 37:5-6). It wasn’t until many years later after being sold into slavery by his brothers, serving Potiphar for 10 years, being thrown into prison for two years (after Potiphar’s wife accused him of trying to rape her) and becoming the Prime Minister of Egypt that Joseph’s brothers finally did do just as his dreams revealed. Scripture reveals that God had His hand on Joseph all along—just as He has His hand on you.

If Joseph’s trip from slavery to seeing his dreams materialize wasn’t a straight line for him, then why should we expect that it will be for us? But we have a problem, right? We’re often not comfortable with wandering; and like my roomie, we may become frustrated because we want to see our purpose fulfilled now.

Remember that fulfilling your God-given purpose is a journey, not a destination; it’s a process which includes preparation (which feel like pit stops) and delays (which feel like detours). But God is never in a hurry, He’s always in control and is completely able to get you where we need to go to complete in you what He started (Phil. 1:6).

While God is unfolding your purpose, sometimes you may not only feel like you are wandering in circles, but you’ll also have to do some waiting—but that’s not a bad thing.

Waiting can be filled with anticipation.

There are few things more painful that waiting for God to reveal our purpose—especially if we wait without hope. Without hope, waiting for God to act can feel like torture. But with confidence in Him, waiting can feel like joyful anticipation. Isaiah 30:18 says, "Blessed are all who wait for Him." Part of the definition of "wait," which is the word chakah in the original Old Testament Hebrew, means to wait "in ambush." Just thinking about this definition makes me smile. Imagine it.

Waiting in ambush for God is like a happy-faced dog who knows his master is coming home; so he stays by the door, ready to pounce when he arrives. It's like a young woman who counts the minutes for her to date to show up for the prom. It's like a freckle-faced boy who anticipates Christmas and counts down the days. Waiting God's way, for Him to show us where we belong serving Him, means we have hope because we know that something good is going to happen--in God's time, in God's way. When faith replaces distrust, the agony of waiting can turn into hopeful anticipation.

Waiting in ambush for God means, I'm fully convinced that He is working behind the scenes. In it, I allow my heart to dream about the goodness that will be mine after my wait is over. On the contrary, when I wait without believing that my purpose will become reality, my future hopes are not hope at all, but despair. The end result of waiting in faith is always a reward; but if we wait without hope we may act out of our unbelief through sin and walk away from God’s plans for our lives.

To wait in ambush for God means, I may have to choose to trust Him God while He unfolds more and more of His plan for my life. I may have to ask myself, "Shana, what do you believe? Do you believe that God is working behind the scenes? Will you choose to trust that He will reveal the totality of His perfect plan? If so, lift up your head, girl! God is on His way!"

What about you? Are you waiting for Christ to reveal more of His plans for your purpose? Lift up your head and wait in ambush for God! He’s on His way and wants you to know why He made you more than you do.

My personal experience has shown me that God is more than able to lead you into your purpose. Without your help, He is able to guide you exactly where you need to go; your job is to remain open to what He wants to do through you while you wander and wait.

Overcoming Fear of Criticism to Fulfill Your Purpose

Ever since you were small, someone has been telling you what you can't do. Your mother told you that you couldn't walk down the middle of the street, your father told you that you couldn't ride your bike without reflectors and your teachers told you that you couldn't run in the hallway.

During life, there are hundreds of people who not only tell us what we cannot do, but what we can't accomplish.

"You can't be a chemist. You're not analytical enough." 

"You can't be a professional singer. You're not attractive enough."

"There is no way you'll make it as a teacher. You're not patient enough."

"You must be kidding! You want to be a pastor's wife? You won't be a good role model."

Sadly, we often fear the criticism of others and when it does happen, we take it to heart. For this reason, even into adulthood, we're often waiting for someone to tell us it's OK to "cross the street" to our God-given purpose because we are afraid that if we blow it we'll look like an idiot—and then what will they say?

If God is for you, who can be against you?

Several years ago, I realized I'd been waiting for someone to encourage me to write a book. I thought if another, more successful writer validated me, then I could start moving toward the dream that God had placed in my heart. Deep down I didn't want to look foolish. One day as I browsed the bookstore for inspiration from an accomplished writer, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, "Why are you looking for a leader outside yourself? Write what I have given you."

No matter who you are, or what you want to accomplish, the only leader you need to move toward your purpose is the Holy Spirit. If God is for you, who can be against you? (Romans 8:31). Which also begs the question, "Why do we fear criticism?"

Even Jesus knew when to ignore naysayers who wanted to prevent Him from accomplishing His purpose. In Luke 4:30, those in His hometown became furious when He said He was sent by God. To destroy Him, they drove Him out of town to the top of a hill so they could throw Him over a cliff. What did Jesus do? He walked through the crowd and went His way.

Because He knew who He was and who His Father was, He decided He would "cross the street" to His God-given purpose, even if no one but God agreed.

Sometimes the best way to move on to God's purpose for us is to ignore negative evaluations and comments and, just like Jesus, go merrily on our way.

Peas and carrots, rice and beans, fear of criticism and self-protection.

Just as peas and carrots, rice and beans, and peanut butter and jelly go together, the fear of criticism and self-protection are also a pair. If you fear criticism—guaranteed—you're also self-protective. But there is a high price to pay for allowing the fear of criticism and self-protection to have their way in our lives and to get hold of our minds.

Can you imagine what Christ's life on earth would have been like if He had been self-protective and feared criticism?

After being mocked by political groups, old and young men and spiteful Pharisees, He would have determined who He would associate with, what He would say in His final hours on earth; and rather than keeping His mouth shut when He was falsely accused, He would have defended Himself. When His enemies spit in His face, He would have retaliated. When they called Him names, He would have called down a legion of angels to defend Him. When they marched Him to Golgatha, He would have run. And rather than laying down His life to give His all to those He loved, the redemption of the human race would have been lost in His misguided passion of self-protection and the fear of criticism.

When we fear criticism and are overly self-protective, we miss out on being a gift to others. You see, your purpose is not just about you; it's about many people that God wants to influence and help through you. So if you struggle with criticism and self-protection, get alone with God and ask Him to give you the strength you need to move forward in your purpose in faith. And remember, you are living your life for the approval of just One.

Even the saints experienced criticism.

Throughout Scripture, men and women who were called to do something significant for God experienced criticism.

When Moses led the children of Israel through the desert, he cried out to God many times because those who followed him blamed and criticized him.

Noah's neighbors laughed and mocked him when he built the ark. Paul was labeled as overzealous, unimpressive in person and insincere. Every one of the disciples was criticized and, with the exception of John, all were criticized right to their deaths.

The point is this: If we insist on being comfortable by avoiding the criticism of others, we will not fulfill the purpose that God has for us. Even though comfort and freedom from criticism is on our checklist it's not on God's. His is a higher standard of virtue and redemption.

Remember you're in a battle.

In his book, "The Believer's Armor," John MacArthur writes, "You have all the resources, power and principles to live the Christian life. . . Even though power is available to follow godly principles, the enemy wants to withstand any good thing that God sets out to do. He will attempt to thwart God's divine purpose for your life."

As you can see, one of the main ways that Satan wants to thwart your purpose is by causing you to fear criticism. But God wants to provide you with the courage you need to say no to the fear of criticism and yes to Him. Isaiah 53:4 says that Jesus was despised, rejected and not esteemed; so He knows full well the battle that rages against us with criticism.

The question is this: Will you hold His hand, look the fear of criticism in the eye, step out in faith and live out your God-given purpose for the sake of others and for Christ?

He's waiting for you to say yes.